A story that will be understood

Chloe Lappin, student leader 

Since my early teens, I knew that something was wrong. I knew that upon waking up each morning life was becoming an increasing burden.  I would try to counter the pain, by turning numb. If I switched to auto pilot, I could at least appear to be a ‘normal’ teenager. However, at 15 years of age my world had suddenly become colourless. Something had changed; it was as if I had lost something precious that I could never get back. I played the role of a typical, awkward teenage girl, and managed to convince myself that I was suffering from the usual teenage angst. I clung to this theory in the hope that I would one day grow out of it.

A gentle push

Fionnuala, staff member

I have been through a crazy time. I have counted at least 20 people at work that I have broken down in front of, without a moment's notice, suddenly and inexplicably crying, not being able to pull myself together, as my whole world disintegrated around me. At least half of these people I hardly knew, except for a brief nod or hello at work. And they had simply asked me how I was. However, they had asked, and they had spoken, out loud. It was the tone of voice that broke through to me, I think, and made me speak, out loud, too. Even if I made no sense to them, or to myself, as I could not explain very well what was happening to me, I did make sounds and let out some emotion. I also admitted that something was wrong.

Normality

Anon., student

Trigger warning - self harm

A lot people in the college don't actually know me. So first I am a 23 year old girl, a single mum to a 2 year old girl and a full time career to my 27 year old brother as well as full time student..

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14, I was self harming. I started self harming on my legs as no one would be able to see then I started on my arms. I started self harming when my sister had died in a car accident as I felt there was no one listening to me and hurting myself released any pain I had for a few minutes.

Letting go to move forward

Shauna, staff member

My story with depression started when my 1st child was born but if I were honest it started further back than that. If anybody told me that I would feel indifferent or distant from my beautiful and vulnerable little baby I would have told them they were crazy to say such a thing, but unfortunately that is exactly what happened, I could feel nothing but absolute sadness and helplessness and resentment as to why I had to take care of my baby. I didn’t dare tell anyone how I felt as I thought that I would lose my husband and lose my baby. I knew about post natal depression but I didn’t think for once that I was suffering with it. I thought that I was a horrible person for thinking such selfish thoughts never thinking for once that there could be something wrong with my mental state.

Depression olympics

Mark Laherty, Student Leader

There was this music building in my old boarding school. It was the one place where nobody was likely to find you, where the pace of the day didn’t feel so tightly wound. It was two years ago, give or take a few days, when I ducked in there and curled up in the corner for half an hour.

On the rare occasion that mainstream media decides to show mental illness, it does so through some major attention-grabbing demonstration, like bursting into tears, or a big long self-loathing monologue. Hell, most of the time, all we have are Batman villains written to have funny stares and no empathy. All this is, of course, hardly a reflection of reality. By all means, people do break down and burst into tears, but it’s not the only way that someone can break.